Integrating text

Today we are looking into integrating text more elegantly

Here is an example of what we will be doing

1.    The state of the economy is desperate. "Millions of jobs are being lost every day - we're in real pain here." (Bob Snob, A Banker)

The better version is

The state of the economy is desperate, one of "real pain," according to banker Bob Snob. "Millions of jobs are being lost every day," he asserts, which is having a negative impact on loans and investments sector.

Luqman and I are working together to finish this task. He did 2 and 3:

These are the fixed versions

2.    The economy is looking much brighter, owing to "Millions of new jobs emerging" according to Frank Rank, a cab driver. “Things are really on the upswing.” asserts Frank.

3.    It is more important than ever for Americans to forge a common identity. Frank Hairpiece, a prominent scholar, propose that “we need an identity that bind us together.”

Now it is my turn

4.    Animal rights represent the next stage in human moral development. "If we don't change our ways, future generations will judge us harshly. We need to achieve higher state of consciousness and empathy." (Yoshi Om, A Philosopher)

Now, how I edit it

Animal rights represent the next stage in human moral development. "We need to achieve higher state of consciousness and empathy" claims philosopher Yoshi Om. He speculates "If we don't change our ways, future generations will judge us harshly". To achieve more moral development, it must first start with how we treat others.

He helped me edit it

Animal rights represent the next stage in human moral development. "We need to achieve higher state of consciousness and empathy" claims philosopher Yoshi Om. He speculates that if we do not change our ways, future generations will judge us harshly.

I like it. Nice and simple yet graceful

Notes from tutor

When paraphrasing, change the words a little. Also, "We need to achieve higher state of consciousness and empathy". No full stop. The ending I created was fine. Either or, our choice

Now the hard stuff

Violent movies are popular for all kinds of surprising reasons. It is well known that they appeal mostly to teenagers. Holman Jenkins writes a column for Wall Street Journal. He states that, "teenagers swarm to horror flicks so the boys can demonstrate their manly unflappability and the girls can demonstrate their vulnerable desirability. Boys and girls who fulfill these roles are rated as more sexually desirable than their peers" (2013, para.6.). So perhaps horror films do not cater to a taste for violence, but rather to the desire to show off before the opposite sex.

Oh boy. This will be hard. OK. Time to fix

Violent movies are popular for all kinds of surprising reasons. It is well known that "teenagers swarm to horror flicks" asserts Holman Jenkins, writer within a column for Wall Street Journal. He proposes that horror films appeal to teenagers "so the boys can demonstrate their manly unflappability and the girls can demonstrate their vulnerable desirability" (2013, para.6.). He continues his argument by claiming "Boys and girls who fulfill these roles are rated as more sexually desirable than their peers" (2013, para.6.). Therefore, perhaps horror films do not cater to a taste for violence, but rather to the desire to show off before the opposite sex.

Humm. Better. I'll get advice on this later

Now the second one... It's even BIGGER

Sociologists argue about whether or not violent television creates more violence in society. But maybe this strict cause-and-effect misses the point. "Sex and violence-drenched entertainment can desensitize a whole society. It can drag us down to the point where nothing is morally unacceptable, where